There was way too much love lately in this blog so I wanted to go back to my original goal: hating on wacky music. The thing is, making fun of reggaetón artists is so fucking easy it became a cliché. This people are so ridiculous that it's almost as if they were making fun of themselves, if only they knew the meaning of irony.
For example this Panamanian dude who calls himself Makano. I wouldn't dare listen to the CD, it's been on my garbage pile for over three months already and every time I run into it the cover makes me laugh so much and I think, "I should be making fun of this on my blog" but then I change my mind and move on because he's such an easy target, I almost feel sorry for him.
So I will not play it. But look at the priceless CD cover! First red flag: naming an album "Te Amo" WTF? Could a title be more unoriginal, boring and cheesy at the same time? First track of the album is obviously also called "Te Amo" and the last one is "Te Quiero" (I'm not making this up, I swear!).
My guess is that during the composition process of these elaborate lyrics he was dating this one boy (or girl, let's give him the beneffit of the doubt) and he was very in love in the beginning but then, you know how it goes, things get boring and oh well, routine...
The eleven songs in between "Te Amo" and "Te Quiero" must ALL be about the different phases that relationship went through (hey! maybe this is the first ever reggaetón "concept album" and I'm totally sleeping on it for being such a snob!), for example: "Déjame Entrar" (about the first time he wanted to do the thing), "Te Va A Doler" (about the first time he wanted to do the thing through the backdoor), "No Quise Hacerte Daño" (about the time when he got him/her the clap), "Lo Prefieres A El" (about the time they had a threesome with another boy and he/she was sucking on the other boy's cock with much more enthusiasm than when he/she did Makano's cock), etc.
Yeah I have a vivid imagination and I worked too many years in the porn industry. Anyway, we all know this is booring-ass irony-free PG radio-friendly music for virgin teenage girls who grew up in a small town of a banana republic and their biggest goal in life is to audition for the local franchise of American Idol. So I won't listen to it because, like I said, making fun of it would be way too easy. If you want to do me the favor, let me know and I mail it to you for free.