- Los Amigos Invisibles will tour your town at least 5 times during 2009.
- Due to the Obamization of popular culture, all indy rock bands that used to have a girl playing bass, will replace her with a black guy. Most adventurous bands may incorporate a black girl instead.
- Julieta Venegas will appear doing guest vocals in new releases by Carlinhos Brown, The Pinker Tones, Los Pibes Chorros, Kevin Johansen, Hector el Father, Violadores del Verso, Lil’ Wayne, Slayer, El Gran Combo de Puerto Rico, Mikey Avalon, Arcade Fire, La Sonora Dinamita, Bonde do Tigrão, RDB and Wu-Tang Clan.
- At least one of Babasónicos members (most likely Adrián D’argelos) will come out with a solo or side project.
- M.I.A. will release a cumbia song. Putumayo will release a cumbia compilation. Cumbia will be big in Japan.
- The Regaytón phenomenon: At least one reggaetón performer will be forced to openly admit his gayness when found red-handed by paparazzi at the gym lockers’ room blowing another reggaetón artist (who will claim that he had his eyes closed and was imagining a woman sucking so he’s not completely gay, he only gets his eyebrows done because his manager told him so).
- Manu Chao will release a new album where all the songs will be the lyrics of Mano Negra’s Putas Fever sung over the instrumental track of “La Vida Me Da Palo” except the album’s single which instead will use the instrumental of “Me Gustas Tu” with yet another lyric about Maradona.
- Sorry but Sonidero Nacional will delay the release of their debut for a whole other year.
- Fidel Castro will finally die. Five more movies about him and/or Che will go into production. Due to the yearlong annoying and loud celebrations in Miami, the United States will block and isolate the state of Florida to protect the rest of us from their horrible corny music.
- Nine out of ten new laptop-owning DJ’s to come out in 2009 will have never touched a vinyl record in their life. All of them will suck.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Juan Data’s Predictions for 2009
Fuck the 2008 best-of lists, let's see what's in for 2009: