I have a pile of bad CD’s that I’ve been receiving on the mail during the past two months (from who else but Machete Music!) and I finally decided to donate a few hours of my time to the humanitarian cause of listening to them, at least in part, so as to avoid the psychological and hearing traumas they might cause to many other innocent people.
EL TRI – Nada Que Perder
It always amazed me how to these days, for many Mexicans, to be a “rockero” is still being rebellious. I don’t know dude, but I was born in the mid 70’s and for my generation rock n’ roll was the establishment, it was our mainstream. When I became a teenager I was already sick of rock en español, it was the music of our parents for god’s sake! So for me and many my age, our way of being rebellious was by rejecting rock n’ roll and embracing hardcore, hip hop and electronica. So when I hear people like El Tri still claming the rebel-rocker attitude and image (with long hair, leather pants and all) it totally creeps me out because it sends me back to the sixties and you all know how much I hate the music from that era (and if you didn’t, now you do)! Ok, he’s a crazy old guy, he doesn’t know better, I shouldn’t expect him to evolve from that troglodyte retro-macho-rocker-pose, so I don’t blame him, but how come he still has fans who are young and listen to his music without a hint of irony?
I played this for the first 35 seconds of the first song and it was enough. This is so so bad that it’s even beyond the so-bad-that-it’s-good.
Luny Tunes presents ERRE-XI
People who have the misfortune of knowing me personally know that I’m the most gay-friendly hetero guy ever. I have nothing against homosexuals and I really dig a lot of gay-ass synth-pop from the 80’s. So don’t come yelling that I’m being homophobic for hating on these fags who get their eyebrows done, wear designer jeans and sing with falsetto but all their lyrics are about pussy. Who the fuck are you trying to fool? Dudes, we are in the new millennium, come the fuck out of the closet already! Nobody cares anymore! Please somebody start making reggaetón songs about sucking cock through a glory-hole and save the genre! There is no point in pretending you are all macho when we see your laser-fully-shaved gym body. Reggaetón is so homo-erotic that I don’t understand how they can still get away with pretending they are thugs.
RKM & KEN Y – The Royalty
Everything I said on the previous review applies to this one as well. But this CD at least has some decent production in a few reggaetón tracks, of course I can’t stand when they sing, so I skipped all those cheesy ballads for 13 year old girls. I’ll keep the intro and the song with Don Omar.
EDDY LOVER – Perdóname
OK, I had more than enough homo-erotic reggaetonto and the next one in the pile is this black Panamanian metrosexual who sings R&B over dem-bow beats with falsetto and dude, I’m done. Too much of the same lazy-ass formula. I need some originality, please! This feels like the Attack of the Gay Clones. Damn, I can’t wait for Calle 13’s new album!
IVY QUEEN – Live! From Coliseum of Puerto Rico
Is it really necessary to do live albums of reggaetón? I don’t think so. Maybe one day I’ll gather the strength to watch the DVD version, but this here doesn’t make any sense to me. Plus, I tried to listen to it and the first song that came out was a bachata instead of reaggaetón and you know what happens when I hear bachata? My finger automatically pushes eject. I can’t control it. For real! It must be some kind of pavlovian reflex that is genetically incorporated to my Argentine chromosomes.