Tuesday, April 22, 2008

TONY DIZE – La Melodía De La Calle (Machete Records, ’08)

Hello, welcome to my 22nd review for this blog... Can you imagine if I started my post like that? Well, that’s exactly how this Tony guy starts his CD, “Good night everybody, for those who don’t know me, this is my first album for WYRecords.” For real! I mean, who is he? Troy McClure?! “You might remember me from insignificant cameos on this and that...”
Right after that embarrassing intro, he goes on thanking God and the producers. Two red flags.
First of all, nobody wants to think about God while dancing to reggaetón. Isn’t the whole point of this music to rub your half-erected manhood against some anonymous sweaty mushy butt? You can’t do that while thanking God! Unless you’re like a total loser and this is like the first time in your life you had the chance to feel some ass grinding on your crotch. But this bling-bling-and-casual-sex-with-nightclub-women-obsessed dude isn’t thanking God for that. That would’ve been so funny, I would’ve bought this album! He is thanking God for saving him and showing him the light, and that happens more than once along the album. Not a hint of irony.
Second. Please guys, save thanking the producers for the CD’s outro or the liner notes. Why in the name of, huh, God, do you need to name the producers on each and every one of the tracks? It’s tacky, pointless and redundant, especially when in the middle of a song that intends to be a romantic r&b you drop the “Wisin & Yandel! La Mente Maestra!” shout-outs. As if it that wasn’t enough you have to hear the same shameless beat-makers yelling incongruent self-promotion ads like “We are the ones who know how to work! All the other producers are 50 years behind us!” (by the way, guys, I hate to brake it down to you, but Calle 13 is 500 years ahead of you and all your friends. Oh, and God, he doesn’t exist. There, I said it).
Anyway, it’s so easy to point out ridiculous contradictions and bad habits (inherited from the worst commercial rap and r&b) in almost any reggaetón CD, that I could go on and on forever. All the same shit I said about El Rookie a few reviews below, applies to Mr. Dize as well. And then again, there are actually a couple of tracks that are danceable enough to fill in the down times of my DJ set, so I’m keeping it. Thank you Machete Records! You guys are like, 2 weeks ahead of all the other –almost inexistent- record labels that send me material for reviews. Thank God!

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